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Romney builds own White House

Jared Christman, Off the Wall Editor
November 14, 2012
Filed under Off the Wall

Following his defeat in a bid for the White House, Mitt Romney coped with the loss in the only way a Romney can.

Only nine days after losing the election, Romney has already built his own White House to live in.

Sources say Romney has been planning to build his own version of the historic building for weeks in the event he should lose.

However, Romney’s own White House comes with a few new modifications.

The Romney White House, located on Romney’s private Caribbean island, is double the size of the real one.

The first level is dedicated entirely to pictures of Romney. According to sources, it has been named the Romney Floor of Me.

The West Wing of the complex continues that theme, even in the Romney Oval Office, which is covered from top to bottom in photos of the defeated candidate.

Unlike the real White House, the Romney White House does not include an East Wing. The East Wing traditionally staffs the first lady. However, Romney’s wife Ann did not feel it was her right to have her own office.

The second level is the residence. There are approximately 25 bedrooms, more than enough to accommodate Romney’s five sons and their families.

The third floor consists entirely of a Mormon chapel, with a Mormon priest on hand 24/7.

The fourth and final floor will soon house Ann Romney’s award- winning horses—once they figure out how to get the horses up there. The floor also hosts the maids and butlers who serve the family.

“To build a house like this is completely ridiculous, but it’s the Romney thing to do,” said Jessica Prekop, close family friend. “When you’re a Romney, you go down in style. When Tagg was not accepted into Yale, Mitt bought him a degree. If a grandkid loses a basketball game, Ann will buy them an iPad.”

Prekop also said Romney plans to build his own Air Force One.

Romney could not be reached for comment as he has disappeared following the election, presumably to his new residence.