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Fat police campaign to save Hostess

Jared Christman, Off the Wall Editor
November 27, 2012
Filed under Off the Wall

After news of Hostess’ imminent demise, police officers across the country are scrambling for ways to keep the company from going under.

The police union, Foundation  of All Twinkie Consuming Obese Police Stomachs, is working with Hostess to create a new campaign targeting police officers specifically.

Mark Sherman, leader of FATCOPS, said the initiative will feature officers of the FATCOPS union modeling a Hostess brand treat.

“Hostess has been a friend of the police department for years,” Sherman said. “It is only right that we help them in their hour of need. We figured since police officers purchase the most Twinkies, Ring Dings, Sno Balls and Cupcakes, it would be best to market to them.”

Sherman said much like the anti-fur campaign by PETA, ads for Hostess will feature nude police officers modeling with Hostess snacks.

However, for the first two ads, Sherman said FATCOPS decided it needed some star power.

“With the first of our ads for Hostess, we really needed something that was going to draw the crowd in,” Sherman said. “So we contacted actor Nick Offerman to see if he had any interest in doing a shoot for us, and he was happy to oblige.”

Offerman stars as the meat-loving libertarian Ron Swanson on NBC’s “Parks and Recreation.” He said when he heard of FATCOPS’s campaign to save Hostess, he knew it was up to him to help them.

“I feel what FATCOPS is doing is really important,” Offerman said. “It is every American’s God-given right to consume what they want, especially our boys in blue. This is the best way I can think of to honor them for all that they’ve done for us.”

Offerman will be modeling with the Twinkie, the staple of the Hostess line. The tagline for the ad will read “Nothing comes between me and my Twinkie.”

Meanwhile, actor Reginald VelJohnson, who played Officer Al Powell in the 1988 Bruce Willis hit “Die Hard” will model with the chocolatey HoHo treat with  the tagline, “I’m CooCoo for HoHos.”

The ad for the Sno ball treat will be the first to feature a real police officer and will read, “Get your hands off my Sno Balls.”

The FATCOPS campaign will officially kick off Dec. 1 with the Twinkie ad, followed by the HoHo ad the week after and so on.

Green Bay Police Officer Scott Crumberg said the campaign by FATCOPS is admirable.

“You know, being an overweight police officer, I feel like a minority in this country,” Crumberg said. “It’s nice to know that our voices are being heard — that our stomachs can be filled with the creamy goodness in the middle of a Hostess treat.”

Members of Hostess have also expressed gratitude toward FATCOPS.

“We at Hostess owe our deepest thanks to members of FATCOPS for their outspoken support of our company,” said Hostess spokesperson Cassandra Butters. “While our company is going through this difficult period, we cannot give enough gratitude to FATCOPS for raising awareness of our products.

Butters said Hostess plans to reward FATCOPS by offering members the remaining stock of snacks when the company closes its doors.

“We couldn’t be happier about FATCOPS’s efforts, we realize bankruptcy is imminent,” Butters said. “Though the FATCOP campaign may help prolong the life of our business in the short term, we will still lack sufficient funds to operate in the long run.”

Sherman said many members of the union are preparing for this outcome. Several diehard Hostess addicts have already set up camp outside of Hostess’s headquarters in Irving, Texas.