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‘Erhmagerd Girl’ becomes eulogizer

Jared Christman, Off the Wall Editor
December 12, 2012
Filed under Off the Wall

Erhmagerd, erts erlergers!

Shelly Stepinski — infamously known across the web as the “ermahgerd girl” — has taken up a new profession following her newfound popularity. The 14-year-old girl has become a professional eulogizer.

Stepinski warmed the hearts of fans across the world with her often-hilarious Internet memes. The teenager said she decided to take advantage of her fame by getting a degree as fast as she could to make some serious cash.

“I FERND THERS ERNLERN ERNERVERSERTER THERT ERFERERD DERGRERS ERN ERL SERTS ERF ERERS [I found this online university that offered degrees in all sorts of areas],” Stepinski said. “PRERFERSERNERL ERLERGERSTS MAHK SERERS CERSH VERER FERST, SER I KNERW I HERD TER ERCT RERGHT ERWER [Professional eulogists make serious cash very fast, so I knew I had to act right away].”

Stepinski said she knew eulogizing was a good career path for her because of the countless experiences she has had flushing pet fish down the toilet. But in order to get a degree in it, she was going to have to do some serious work. She said she stayed up two hours late every night for a week to get the degree.

“I HERD TER BER VERER QERT ERT NERGHT SER I DERDNT WERK MAH MERM ER MAH LERTL BRERTHER ERP [I had to be very quiet at night so I didn’t wake my mom or my little brother up],” Stepinski said. “ERND ERFTER DA WERK WERS ERVER, I WERNT TER DA LERBRERER WERTH MAH BERST FRERD JERNER TER PRERNT MAH DERPLERM ERN DA CERLER PRERNTER [And after the week was over, I went to the library with my best friend Jenny to print my diploma on the color printer].”

Since obtaining her degree, Stepinski has eulogized several funerals in the greater Muncie, Indiana metropolitan area.

Stepinski honored the legacy of her friend Marsha Hargleman’s pet turtle Terry after Marsha’s brother Dillon accidentally ran over him with his bike.

“Shelly did a great job,” Hargleman said. “She talked about how cute Terry was even though he was so slow. It made me want to cry until mom called us in to eat Pizza Rolls.”

Another friend, Mary Klempt, said she was very impressed by Stepinski’s eulogy for her cat Truffles, who was hit by a car after chasing a mouse.

And while Stepinksi has eulogized for several other friend’s dead pets as well, she said she is hoping to get something better soon.

“I HERV ERNLER ERLERGERZERD PERTS SER FER [I have only eulogized pets so far],” Stepinski said. “HERERVER, I HERP TER SPERK ERT A HERMAHN FERNERERL SERN. MAH GRERNDM ERS LERKIN KERND ERF ERFER, SER ERV STERTERD PRERPERIN HER ERLERGER ERLRERDER. [However, I hope to speak at a human funeral soon. My grandma is looking kind of iffy, so I’ve started preparing her eulogy already.].”

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