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CNN covers salmonella outbreak live

Bernice Richmond, Off the Wall Writer
February 20, 2013
Filed under Off the Wall

Following their 24-hour coverage of the so-called “poop cruise” Feb. 14, CNN has announced monthlong coverage for a small Salmonella Outbreak in Alabama.

The news network enjoyed a ratings spike from their comprehensive reporting on what was repeatedly referred to as “a floating petri dish.” A Carnival Cruise ship experienced technical difficulties, sending a flood of sewage down the halls of the ship and leaving dozens of white vacationers inconvenienced and smelly.

The story took precedence over the Oscar Pistorius murder case as well as a major Islamic summit in the Middle East.

CNN anchor and actual journalist Anderson Cooper was conspicuously absent from the broadcasts.

Due to the success of the cruise story broadcast, CNN will be sending its entire staff to Auburn, Ala., where four people have allegedly contracted salmonella from raw carrots.

“We know people love crap,” said CNN marketing representative Shriley Marx. “That’s why we specialize in up-to-the-minute political updates. However, with this angle, we’re able to give the people what they want.”

The network will cover the bedrooms, bathrooms and eating conditions of the four salmonella victims. A live toilet-bowl cam will be available for streaming online, and reporters will be stationed at all local clinics.

“Viewers at home will get the whole story, as well as be able to connect with those affected in real time,” said Marx. “This is Hurricane Katrina part two — a real disaster.”